Silk Cat & Marie Antoinette (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
iwantcandy) wrote2011-04-13 10:34 pm
iwantcandy) wrote2011-04-13 10:34 pm
(no subject)
So, I accidentally an essay!
I. Versailles & Memories
Let me start with a preface about Versailles. Given that the movie spends all but the first twenty minutes there, and even that time has the shadow of Versailles over it, Marie's memories are all strongly charged with the character of this place. And it does have a character. Versailles is as much a player in the events of the movie as any of the actors. It was a place where a word could make or break someone. But, really, it was like high school on a much grander scale. It was a court composed of people who knew nothing of the common way of life. They would squabble over who got to hand who a cloak and would block, even destroy, other people for small slights, like not calling on them or speaking out of turn. At first, Marie balks at the unreality of it all; she does not understand how to function in this society where everything is a ploy for power or a trap to wheedle out gossip.
The point is that Marie always remembers Versailles as a place where she must be on her guard, unless she is with those she favors, and that causes her a lot of stress. Surprisingly, she hasn't regained any memories that would give her a better understanding of why it gives her stress specifically, aside from her being Austrian. However, that will come soon enough, and she will be even less pleased with her place at home. And Marie isn't pleased with her home! On the whole, she sees it as having its faults and having its positives, but she really doesn't have any touch with it. She had a luxurious life where she wanted for nothing along with friends that were always kept very close, but it also doesn't feel real to her when compared to the life she leads in Aather. The trials and tribulations along with the successes are infinitely more meaningful than their equivalents at Versailles.
So, with such a background, Marie as Silk Cat in Aather did and is still going through a large process of culture shock. Foremostly, she is learning to have confidence and to pursue what she wants. Now, at Versailles, Marie wasn't completely useless, and she did try very hard to pursue the goals given to her, but they were also meet with failure very often. The memories she has of her escaping the pressures of court life shows that she never really succeeded at whatever endeavor she was trying her hand at, even if she has no memory of what it was. Marie never really pushes for anything she truly wants, either. In between trying to accomplish whatever task her mother has set for and spending her way out of depression at having failed her, there was no room for Marie to sit and think deeply on what she wanted—What she wanted was whatever her mother wanted, whatever the new answer was to making people accept her. While the lavish parties and her spending did cause a few people to balk, Marie never acknowledged those dissenters. She had plenty of people around her that were enjoying themselves, so long as she was pleasing someone, she didn't have to think of all those people that were displeased with her.
The inverse of wanting to always have someone pleased with her is that she rarely had the confidence to put herself out in ways that could be displeasing. Now, she doesn't mind conflicting with Ambassador Mercy, because he isn't a person that she's selected to be part of her circle. He is someone she must listen to, but he isn't someone she strives to please—He is only a standing figure for her mother whom she does listen to. Otherwise, Marie tried her very best to be the anti-thesis to conflict. She would follow the status quo when it came to Madame Du Berry, because the aunts would accept her as long as she did what they wanted. She wouldn't speak against the wild rumors flying about her. Escapism alone shows that Marie has no interest in facing these troubles, merely pushing them away and ignoring them. So, having the confidence to go against the grain? It was never in her character at Versailles.
However, even if she did have the confidence, Marie did not have the power to make a difference in Versailles. In Aather, she’s realized that her birth as an Austrian has already taken any power away from her. Soon, she’ll realize that failing to consummate her marriage also cripples her ability to do anything within the court despite being the crown princess. In a remembered incident, she is called upon by her mother to take action in Versailles, and she understands very quickly that she can not do as her mother says. As much as she would like to, Marie cannot do anything, and she quickly gives up any hope of having power at Versailles, even enough to stop those that gossip at no end about her. She is helpless within the court.
II. Aather
So, in this way, Marie came to Aather and slowly began to regain her memories of Versailles. For a long time, all she wanted was for her to be happy and for those around her to be happy. As long as everyone got along, then she could feel comfortable and content with her position. If something happened that she didn't like, then she would try to brush it off and console herself with something fun and amusing. This is why she loves Mukuro! Because to her, he is cut from the same cloth where he believes in indulging himself, no matter if other people disagree. It is alright to sit around and eat chocolate, gossip about dating, and get pretty things like jewelery that serve no function whatsoever. Marie knows hedonism, and she doesn’t mind having it as her primary motivation from time to time.
However, Aather has more serious tribulations than Versailles. While Marie has to worry about a disparaging comment from her husband or someone in court with Versailles, and she does worry about that in Aather, there is also the chance that someone could get hurt or die there as well. They are worlds apart, and it is a very real pain to witness someone dying! Having to face such tragedies infinitely lessens the blow of any painful memory Marie has, or will ever have, and she can't respond to such negative events the same fashion as she would in Versailles, either. The response cannot be the same—To sit around and sip wine while ignoring the pain of others isn’t something that Marie is capable of. So, she had to learn to cope with real pressures in real ways.
Of course, she didn't leap far from what she knew, which was pleasure. If everyone is upset, then I'm upset, but if everyone is happy, then I'm happy. So, Marie has a very strong instinct to cheer people up and always respond with levity to situations, even when it doesn't seem appropriate. She will always smile until she is overcome by emotion. Where others can cook, clean, or fight, Marie is a lover. She can get along with everyone, check up on them, and cheer them up. But that isn't a complete package of emotional support, though! Marie is always very delicate about matters, so while she can out and out tease people about any little thing, if it seems like a real problem then she would quietly pass over it.
This lack of confidence in her being able to do or give much other than levity did change, though! As she stayed longer and saw what others were doing, Marie did realize that she needed to give a little more. Her role was vital before, she will always attest that there needs someone to bring gaiety to the proceedings at some point, but it wasn't satisfying her. Everyone was looking after each other and doing what they wished to which was so far from anything Marie could really picture. At best, all she knew was to control the mood of a group and to preserve herself. The strongest example was the second Three game where Ginshu refused to back down about getting hurt. She didn't want to be treated differently for her sex, and she would not budge from this point. At first, Marie was very upset by this, because: A) She didn't want Ginshu to be hurt at all, and B) This upset the order! They were the girls of the team, and they weren't allowed to do things like this. There was no way that anyone could have been pleased with Ginshu's actions, but Ginshu didn't give any heed to that. It was stunning to Marie, that Ginshu could do this and that Ginshu wasn't treated badly at all for it.
So, after the game, Marie talked with Sharon, and she made an idle comment that she had been wanting a garden. Really, Marie wanted it from very early on and always said as much to Ginshu, but she didn't feel like she could really do that—Have something she wanted with no purpose, especially when it would be involving. Chocolate and earrings are momentary and don’t keep her from helping the team while a garden would consume some time that might be better spent on something for her team. Sharon seemed thrilled with the idea, and Marie went along with it, because Sharon had just gone through a rough patch. (Her and Natalia both had been through the exact same situation as she and Ginshu had been in the first Three game, so her heart went out to them both.) This was how she could cheer her up! Then, an idea was born. With a garden, she could cheer everyone up. Marie not be able to handle the deeper nuances of their problems, but she could do that much. But, also, Marie had been thinking of the politics of Aather, whether she was satisfied with how everything was arranged, if she could accept the position of the knights, and so on. A garden wouldn't be vital to anyone. In reality, it would be meaningless, but Marie needed something that would be useless now. With only a little cajooling, Marie would make a garden and whoever wanted to help with it would be welcome to. There wasn’t going to be any rewards for helping, no reason to help at all, but it was something that everyone of their own will could come together for. And that was the seed that Marie planted with her garden along with her first small step at taking an action that she wanted in Aather.
Then, against all her expectations, it grew! Marie has and always will be so happy with everyone who helped to take part in it and continues to. Not only was it an affirmation that they were more than an randomly collected group of awkward heroes, but it was one of the greatest rewards she could receive for taking part in one of her first "selfish" actions. Since then, her confidence has only grown by leaps and bounds. Marie tries to listen to other people's problems, even help them while still worrying if she really should do such a thing. She shows her worry openly, and she will disagree with something if she doesn't like it. These are all small steps, but they are monumental to Marie, especially while she's still receiving memories that remind her of how unreal being able to do half of what she has is for her back at Versailles. The most recent and biggest step by far happened during the third Three game. During games, Coral tends to come together pretty easily; they are a highly functional group that is out to reach a consensus for better or worse. However, they are rarely unified in games. In Marie’s case, Zelos will usually disagree openly while Marie will always quietly agree with him. So, Zelos appears to be the black sheep of the team since Marie won’t admit to everyone else that he isn’t the only dissenter. Taking an action like that, especially with how the team reacts to it, is very much out of Marie’s ability. The trouble was that Zelos wasn't there at the third Three game. It was a very critical game, and she didn't have her usual support which had her panicking. The team started to decide how they wanted to act, and she didn't agree with any of it! But they were all generally agreed, so she didn't want to be the lone voice of dissent. It would have been awful if she spoke up, then everyone got mad or upset for it. However, she didn't keep quiet! If it hadn't been a game of life or death, she likely would never had spoken up, but it wasn’t acceptable to Marie to stay quiet then.
So, she spoke up! To be honest, it was all a blur to her, but she tried her very best to be honest and open with the team while trying to get a consensus that they all could agree to. In the aftermath, she probably would have chosen another team, but speaking up on one point alone was enough; a second would have worn her down. Then, lo and behold, no one died. Marie had decided to speak up, to go against her team, possibly kill the team she loved most because she believed in their strength, and nothing happened at all. To Marie, that is a reward. That is a sign that she has done something right. Yes, she may be a queen back home, but she has more impact here in this world with these people than she could ever have had back there. She is almost certain of this, and Marie is glad that she can have a hand in it all. She has the confidence that she can do that.
III. Fox
Now, I could call this section something else, but that would be a lie. —Anyway, Gojyo and Marie have a pattern of Good Thread, Bad Thread. For every moment that they manage to be cute and even kiss, they will be making kids in high school look like the bastions of maturity in the next. However, they broke the pattern and followed a bad thread with another bad one! More than that, unknowingly, Gojyo may have found the reason that they have been fighting to begin with.
Now, Marie likes to please people; she will always want to be on everyone's good books, unless she decides that someone isn’t worth her time. Team is something that Marie must always please. It's why picking a fight in the team is infinitely more frightening to her than with anyone else, but it is also where you run the highest risk of having a fight at all. However, she also has come into the confidence to assert herself and challenge others; she will do so if she thinks that she must, even with someone that she wants to please. So, Gojyo makes an offhand comment about her always thinking what she will during the latest game. In one way, yes, Marie does have thoughts about how she would like things to be that she doesn’t give voice to. She is secretive in ways that have caused her to clash with Gojyo a few times before. In the other way, Marie has come into her own and has been more open with her feelings on matters. She has been rocking the boat in her mind; this is what she is most exuberant about right now. And, suddenly, it is also what she is most worried about.
The first fight was the result of Marie not wanting Gojyo to be reckless. Where she would have let him go off before, she was asking him not to get hurt which took a large amount of courage. Even standing her ground on the issue was an act of sheer will on Marie’s part. The third was started when she wanted everyone to enjoy themselves at the part, with Ginshu excused as she is Ginshu, and Gojyo refused to then started making comments about Zelos. Truly, she has come into her own, so she would like unity in the team and for the fighting to stop . . . Which naturally causes them to fight. (Again, bastions of maturity.) Marie cannot stand fighting which is why it kills her to always be in conflict with Gojyo. In one of their make-up threads, Marie struggled and outright asked what Gojyo wanted from her. She wants peace, to avoid the negative feelings she has from fighting with Gojyo, so much that she would have given him whatever he asked for. So, what if her new found ability to pursue what she wants is causing this conflict? The question is does she keep this confidence to pursue what she wants—A freedom that she has only known once in all her memories and occurred only twice in her life? Or does she give it up in hopes of satisfying her desire for peace within her team and potentially drawing herself into more conflict with other people in the future?
The answer to that question was a mystery to me! As much as Marie was overjoyed with every instance of being rewarded for taking action which far outweighed the times that it has seemingly brought her punishment, it is hard for her to make a choice between something she is comfortable and well-versed in, and something that could potentially be at the root of this conflict that feels more and more helpless to Marie. So, she decided to take a step away from everything and sort out her feelings on the matter. Then, came the question of who to go to was neatly divided between Mukuro or Asch. If she had chosen Mukuro, I am sure she likely wouldn't have made the choice she did. While she enjoys Mukuro, there is a time and a place for him, which has been feeling more and more as not appropriate for her. As in canon, Marie comes into her own once she has a child. Upon receiving the memory that she has a little girl, she has been slowly changing the way she views her home and even Aather alongside with her growing confidence. So, she chose Asch, despite it being a rather awkward challenge for her. Still, it was the encouragement that she needed! Even when she is just herself, Marie can be liked someone. She hasn't been changing into someone that is mean or unreasonable; she can still have others enjoy her company which is concern that is at her very core.
Then, she took her memory in private, and I have to give a round of applause to random selection for this, because it was exactly what she needed. What she thought that she had not and would never do at home, Marie had actually done. The write-up for that memory is over here at the bottom, but the main point is that Marie took the initiative to secure something that she wanted. She wanted a place to raise her daughter free from the oppressive court of Versailles, and she was given the Petite Trianon for that purpose. On par with her affair with Fersen, this is the happiest memory that Marie has of her life so far.
However, these two events are also significantly different. While Marie does pursue Fersen, and her pursues her, the affair is kept secret. She cannot and would not boast about it to the court. An ambition kept in secret is very different from one in public which Petite Trianon was. She made it known to the whole court that she wished to pursue this kind of lifestyle, to defy tradition by raising her own daughter, and she would not allow them to take it from her. She was able to have everything that she wanted in a world that she created for her and her daughter. And Marie intends to do just that again in Aather. While she can't control every aspect, nor will she expect herself to, she will see to it that she is satisfied with the place that she is at now. She won't have strife, she won't have fighting; she wants everyone to be happy and to be happy with each other along with many other ambitions.
And that is why Coral is having a nail polish party.
I. Versailles & Memories
Let me start with a preface about Versailles. Given that the movie spends all but the first twenty minutes there, and even that time has the shadow of Versailles over it, Marie's memories are all strongly charged with the character of this place. And it does have a character. Versailles is as much a player in the events of the movie as any of the actors. It was a place where a word could make or break someone. But, really, it was like high school on a much grander scale. It was a court composed of people who knew nothing of the common way of life. They would squabble over who got to hand who a cloak and would block, even destroy, other people for small slights, like not calling on them or speaking out of turn. At first, Marie balks at the unreality of it all; she does not understand how to function in this society where everything is a ploy for power or a trap to wheedle out gossip.
The point is that Marie always remembers Versailles as a place where she must be on her guard, unless she is with those she favors, and that causes her a lot of stress. Surprisingly, she hasn't regained any memories that would give her a better understanding of why it gives her stress specifically, aside from her being Austrian. However, that will come soon enough, and she will be even less pleased with her place at home. And Marie isn't pleased with her home! On the whole, she sees it as having its faults and having its positives, but she really doesn't have any touch with it. She had a luxurious life where she wanted for nothing along with friends that were always kept very close, but it also doesn't feel real to her when compared to the life she leads in Aather. The trials and tribulations along with the successes are infinitely more meaningful than their equivalents at Versailles.
So, with such a background, Marie as Silk Cat in Aather did and is still going through a large process of culture shock. Foremostly, she is learning to have confidence and to pursue what she wants. Now, at Versailles, Marie wasn't completely useless, and she did try very hard to pursue the goals given to her, but they were also meet with failure very often. The memories she has of her escaping the pressures of court life shows that she never really succeeded at whatever endeavor she was trying her hand at, even if she has no memory of what it was. Marie never really pushes for anything she truly wants, either. In between trying to accomplish whatever task her mother has set for and spending her way out of depression at having failed her, there was no room for Marie to sit and think deeply on what she wanted—What she wanted was whatever her mother wanted, whatever the new answer was to making people accept her. While the lavish parties and her spending did cause a few people to balk, Marie never acknowledged those dissenters. She had plenty of people around her that were enjoying themselves, so long as she was pleasing someone, she didn't have to think of all those people that were displeased with her.
The inverse of wanting to always have someone pleased with her is that she rarely had the confidence to put herself out in ways that could be displeasing. Now, she doesn't mind conflicting with Ambassador Mercy, because he isn't a person that she's selected to be part of her circle. He is someone she must listen to, but he isn't someone she strives to please—He is only a standing figure for her mother whom she does listen to. Otherwise, Marie tried her very best to be the anti-thesis to conflict. She would follow the status quo when it came to Madame Du Berry, because the aunts would accept her as long as she did what they wanted. She wouldn't speak against the wild rumors flying about her. Escapism alone shows that Marie has no interest in facing these troubles, merely pushing them away and ignoring them. So, having the confidence to go against the grain? It was never in her character at Versailles.
However, even if she did have the confidence, Marie did not have the power to make a difference in Versailles. In Aather, she’s realized that her birth as an Austrian has already taken any power away from her. Soon, she’ll realize that failing to consummate her marriage also cripples her ability to do anything within the court despite being the crown princess. In a remembered incident, she is called upon by her mother to take action in Versailles, and she understands very quickly that she can not do as her mother says. As much as she would like to, Marie cannot do anything, and she quickly gives up any hope of having power at Versailles, even enough to stop those that gossip at no end about her. She is helpless within the court.
II. Aather
So, in this way, Marie came to Aather and slowly began to regain her memories of Versailles. For a long time, all she wanted was for her to be happy and for those around her to be happy. As long as everyone got along, then she could feel comfortable and content with her position. If something happened that she didn't like, then she would try to brush it off and console herself with something fun and amusing. This is why she loves Mukuro! Because to her, he is cut from the same cloth where he believes in indulging himself, no matter if other people disagree. It is alright to sit around and eat chocolate, gossip about dating, and get pretty things like jewelery that serve no function whatsoever. Marie knows hedonism, and she doesn’t mind having it as her primary motivation from time to time.
However, Aather has more serious tribulations than Versailles. While Marie has to worry about a disparaging comment from her husband or someone in court with Versailles, and she does worry about that in Aather, there is also the chance that someone could get hurt or die there as well. They are worlds apart, and it is a very real pain to witness someone dying! Having to face such tragedies infinitely lessens the blow of any painful memory Marie has, or will ever have, and she can't respond to such negative events the same fashion as she would in Versailles, either. The response cannot be the same—To sit around and sip wine while ignoring the pain of others isn’t something that Marie is capable of. So, she had to learn to cope with real pressures in real ways.
Of course, she didn't leap far from what she knew, which was pleasure. If everyone is upset, then I'm upset, but if everyone is happy, then I'm happy. So, Marie has a very strong instinct to cheer people up and always respond with levity to situations, even when it doesn't seem appropriate. She will always smile until she is overcome by emotion. Where others can cook, clean, or fight, Marie is a lover. She can get along with everyone, check up on them, and cheer them up. But that isn't a complete package of emotional support, though! Marie is always very delicate about matters, so while she can out and out tease people about any little thing, if it seems like a real problem then she would quietly pass over it.
This lack of confidence in her being able to do or give much other than levity did change, though! As she stayed longer and saw what others were doing, Marie did realize that she needed to give a little more. Her role was vital before, she will always attest that there needs someone to bring gaiety to the proceedings at some point, but it wasn't satisfying her. Everyone was looking after each other and doing what they wished to which was so far from anything Marie could really picture. At best, all she knew was to control the mood of a group and to preserve herself. The strongest example was the second Three game where Ginshu refused to back down about getting hurt. She didn't want to be treated differently for her sex, and she would not budge from this point. At first, Marie was very upset by this, because: A) She didn't want Ginshu to be hurt at all, and B) This upset the order! They were the girls of the team, and they weren't allowed to do things like this. There was no way that anyone could have been pleased with Ginshu's actions, but Ginshu didn't give any heed to that. It was stunning to Marie, that Ginshu could do this and that Ginshu wasn't treated badly at all for it.
So, after the game, Marie talked with Sharon, and she made an idle comment that she had been wanting a garden. Really, Marie wanted it from very early on and always said as much to Ginshu, but she didn't feel like she could really do that—Have something she wanted with no purpose, especially when it would be involving. Chocolate and earrings are momentary and don’t keep her from helping the team while a garden would consume some time that might be better spent on something for her team. Sharon seemed thrilled with the idea, and Marie went along with it, because Sharon had just gone through a rough patch. (Her and Natalia both had been through the exact same situation as she and Ginshu had been in the first Three game, so her heart went out to them both.) This was how she could cheer her up! Then, an idea was born. With a garden, she could cheer everyone up. Marie not be able to handle the deeper nuances of their problems, but she could do that much. But, also, Marie had been thinking of the politics of Aather, whether she was satisfied with how everything was arranged, if she could accept the position of the knights, and so on. A garden wouldn't be vital to anyone. In reality, it would be meaningless, but Marie needed something that would be useless now. With only a little cajooling, Marie would make a garden and whoever wanted to help with it would be welcome to. There wasn’t going to be any rewards for helping, no reason to help at all, but it was something that everyone of their own will could come together for. And that was the seed that Marie planted with her garden along with her first small step at taking an action that she wanted in Aather.
Then, against all her expectations, it grew! Marie has and always will be so happy with everyone who helped to take part in it and continues to. Not only was it an affirmation that they were more than an randomly collected group of awkward heroes, but it was one of the greatest rewards she could receive for taking part in one of her first "selfish" actions. Since then, her confidence has only grown by leaps and bounds. Marie tries to listen to other people's problems, even help them while still worrying if she really should do such a thing. She shows her worry openly, and she will disagree with something if she doesn't like it. These are all small steps, but they are monumental to Marie, especially while she's still receiving memories that remind her of how unreal being able to do half of what she has is for her back at Versailles. The most recent and biggest step by far happened during the third Three game. During games, Coral tends to come together pretty easily; they are a highly functional group that is out to reach a consensus for better or worse. However, they are rarely unified in games. In Marie’s case, Zelos will usually disagree openly while Marie will always quietly agree with him. So, Zelos appears to be the black sheep of the team since Marie won’t admit to everyone else that he isn’t the only dissenter. Taking an action like that, especially with how the team reacts to it, is very much out of Marie’s ability. The trouble was that Zelos wasn't there at the third Three game. It was a very critical game, and she didn't have her usual support which had her panicking. The team started to decide how they wanted to act, and she didn't agree with any of it! But they were all generally agreed, so she didn't want to be the lone voice of dissent. It would have been awful if she spoke up, then everyone got mad or upset for it. However, she didn't keep quiet! If it hadn't been a game of life or death, she likely would never had spoken up, but it wasn’t acceptable to Marie to stay quiet then.
So, she spoke up! To be honest, it was all a blur to her, but she tried her very best to be honest and open with the team while trying to get a consensus that they all could agree to. In the aftermath, she probably would have chosen another team, but speaking up on one point alone was enough; a second would have worn her down. Then, lo and behold, no one died. Marie had decided to speak up, to go against her team, possibly kill the team she loved most because she believed in their strength, and nothing happened at all. To Marie, that is a reward. That is a sign that she has done something right. Yes, she may be a queen back home, but she has more impact here in this world with these people than she could ever have had back there. She is almost certain of this, and Marie is glad that she can have a hand in it all. She has the confidence that she can do that.
III. Fox
Now, I could call this section something else, but that would be a lie. —Anyway, Gojyo and Marie have a pattern of Good Thread, Bad Thread. For every moment that they manage to be cute and even kiss, they will be making kids in high school look like the bastions of maturity in the next. However, they broke the pattern and followed a bad thread with another bad one! More than that, unknowingly, Gojyo may have found the reason that they have been fighting to begin with.
Now, Marie likes to please people; she will always want to be on everyone's good books, unless she decides that someone isn’t worth her time. Team is something that Marie must always please. It's why picking a fight in the team is infinitely more frightening to her than with anyone else, but it is also where you run the highest risk of having a fight at all. However, she also has come into the confidence to assert herself and challenge others; she will do so if she thinks that she must, even with someone that she wants to please. So, Gojyo makes an offhand comment about her always thinking what she will during the latest game. In one way, yes, Marie does have thoughts about how she would like things to be that she doesn’t give voice to. She is secretive in ways that have caused her to clash with Gojyo a few times before. In the other way, Marie has come into her own and has been more open with her feelings on matters. She has been rocking the boat in her mind; this is what she is most exuberant about right now. And, suddenly, it is also what she is most worried about.
The first fight was the result of Marie not wanting Gojyo to be reckless. Where she would have let him go off before, she was asking him not to get hurt which took a large amount of courage. Even standing her ground on the issue was an act of sheer will on Marie’s part. The third was started when she wanted everyone to enjoy themselves at the part, with Ginshu excused as she is Ginshu, and Gojyo refused to then started making comments about Zelos. Truly, she has come into her own, so she would like unity in the team and for the fighting to stop . . . Which naturally causes them to fight. (Again, bastions of maturity.) Marie cannot stand fighting which is why it kills her to always be in conflict with Gojyo. In one of their make-up threads, Marie struggled and outright asked what Gojyo wanted from her. She wants peace, to avoid the negative feelings she has from fighting with Gojyo, so much that she would have given him whatever he asked for. So, what if her new found ability to pursue what she wants is causing this conflict? The question is does she keep this confidence to pursue what she wants—A freedom that she has only known once in all her memories and occurred only twice in her life? Or does she give it up in hopes of satisfying her desire for peace within her team and potentially drawing herself into more conflict with other people in the future?
The answer to that question was a mystery to me! As much as Marie was overjoyed with every instance of being rewarded for taking action which far outweighed the times that it has seemingly brought her punishment, it is hard for her to make a choice between something she is comfortable and well-versed in, and something that could potentially be at the root of this conflict that feels more and more helpless to Marie. So, she decided to take a step away from everything and sort out her feelings on the matter. Then, came the question of who to go to was neatly divided between Mukuro or Asch. If she had chosen Mukuro, I am sure she likely wouldn't have made the choice she did. While she enjoys Mukuro, there is a time and a place for him, which has been feeling more and more as not appropriate for her. As in canon, Marie comes into her own once she has a child. Upon receiving the memory that she has a little girl, she has been slowly changing the way she views her home and even Aather alongside with her growing confidence. So, she chose Asch, despite it being a rather awkward challenge for her. Still, it was the encouragement that she needed! Even when she is just herself, Marie can be liked someone. She hasn't been changing into someone that is mean or unreasonable; she can still have others enjoy her company which is concern that is at her very core.
Then, she took her memory in private, and I have to give a round of applause to random selection for this, because it was exactly what she needed. What she thought that she had not and would never do at home, Marie had actually done. The write-up for that memory is over here at the bottom, but the main point is that Marie took the initiative to secure something that she wanted. She wanted a place to raise her daughter free from the oppressive court of Versailles, and she was given the Petite Trianon for that purpose. On par with her affair with Fersen, this is the happiest memory that Marie has of her life so far.
However, these two events are also significantly different. While Marie does pursue Fersen, and her pursues her, the affair is kept secret. She cannot and would not boast about it to the court. An ambition kept in secret is very different from one in public which Petite Trianon was. She made it known to the whole court that she wished to pursue this kind of lifestyle, to defy tradition by raising her own daughter, and she would not allow them to take it from her. She was able to have everything that she wanted in a world that she created for her and her daughter. And Marie intends to do just that again in Aather. While she can't control every aspect, nor will she expect herself to, she will see to it that she is satisfied with the place that she is at now. She won't have strife, she won't have fighting; she wants everyone to be happy and to be happy with each other along with many other ambitions.
And that is why Coral is having a nail polish party.